Change the Weather
by trollnexus
Summary: HPDM. All Draco wanted was for his boyfriend, the Saviour of the World, to change the weather. One-shot. Crack!fic.


**Title**: Change the Weather

**Disclaimer**: Harry Potter and everyone in his universe are owned by JKR. Also, no one paid me to write this.

**Pairings**: Draco/Harry

**Rating**: K+

**Warnings**: Crack, the fact that I wrote this two years ago.

**Summary**: All Draco wanted was for his boyfriend, the Saviour of the World, to change the weather.

**Author's Note**: I was looking through old things on my computer and found this, the very first Drarry I ever wrote. Yep. I had been so squeamish about writing my own Drarrys back then, but my best friend managed to goad me into this.

The prompts were heatwave and lemons. Er. I think they probably wanted a different sort of lemon.

Anyway, since the previous thing I posted was so goshdarn depressing and since I won't be able to actually update any of my WIPs for a while, I thought the least I could do was make you folks laugh. Or roll your eyes. Whichever.

* * *

"Potter. Potterrr. Potter."

Harry opened his eyes blearily, turning over to face his boyfriend. "What?"

"It's so hotttt." Draco pouted exaggeratedly, forcing his bottom lip out to the point of pain. All in the name of annoying Harry.

It was working, as evidenced by the slight twitching of his left eye and the throbbing of the little vein on his temple.

"And what d'you expect me to do about it? At—" he squinted at the nightstand clock "—4:23 AM?"

"I don't know. Just DO something about it."

"Go cast yourself a cooling charm and go back to sleep, you wanker." Harry closed his eyes and rolled over, hoping that he would just listen to him for once and leave him alone.

Of course he didn't. He was Draco, after all.

"It's so hot that even a cooling charm doesn't work. It wears off and then I'm hot again. Why in Merlin's name is it so damn hot, anyway? It's supposed to be cooler at night. Harryyyy."

Harry tried to shake off the pale hand that was gripping his shoulder in earnest, but Draco had a vice grip when he put his mind to it.

"Again, what do you expect me to do, Malfoy? Change the weather?"

"Yeah!" Harry could feel him nodding his head eagerly behind him. "You're the bloody Saviour of the world. Change the weather!"

"Oh, for the love of—I can't change the weather! All I did was kill a crazy guy. And if you don't shut up soon, I will do it again!"

"Don't be silly. Why would you waste your time and energy on resurrecting the Dark Lord and killing him again when you could just get rid of this heatwave and save us all the trouble? Honestly, Potter, sometimes I wonder how you even brush your teeth in the morning, what with your lack of brains. Then again, I suppose if you don't have brains taking up room in your head, you'd have more room for teeth, so maybe teeth is all you've got in there. Yeah, that's it. And so all you've got to do is stick your toothbrush in, and you'd get something eventually…"

Harry groaned. For the longest time, Draco had had trouble expressing his thoughts and feelings due to having housed Voldemort during the war. He had trained himself to be quiet, reserved, and closed-off; a habit that persisted even long after the war was over. When he and Harry began dating, Harry suggested that he go see a therapist and work through his problems.

As a result, Draco learned to express his thoughts and feelings. All of them. Even the ones Harry didn't need to know.

"Draco, darling…" Upon hearing this, Draco immediately quieted. Harry only called him "darling" when he meant serious business. "Yes, Harry honey?"

"Shut. Up."

"Now, honey, that's getting a little harsh. I think you need to see Dr. Weinburg, too. He could teach you a lot about communication and how to channel your emotions into more positive interactions. And you simply must try out his inkblot test thingy. It was marvelous; I never saw the like—"

"ARRRGGGHHHHHH."

Draco blinked in silence. Once. Twice. Then, "Maybe he can help you learn some anger management, too—"

"ALRIGHT. You want me to change the weather? You want me to somehow conjure some wild magic that will do the impossible? FINE. I'LL CHANGE THE DAMN WEATHER."

Harry grabbed his wand from the dresser, flailed his arms, and pointed it to the window.

Nothing happened.

"You see? I CAN'T change the weather, no matter how much you whine, ramble, and groan at me. Now go back to sleep."

Draco sighed in defeat and rolled back to his side of the bed, closing his eyes and trying to endure the heat.

Then both men suddenly shot up in their beds, frowning. They could distinctly hear a pattering sound, as if solids objects were falling onto their roof and on the roads outside.

Draco was the first to reach the window, with Harry tumbling out of bed and quickly crawling after him.

It was raining lemons.

It was unclear who started laughing first. Perhaps it was Draco, with his thin, aristocratic lips curving up and then breaking open as he let out several undignified snorts before easing into a comfortable, mirthful laugh. Or maybe it was Harry, his fuller lips frowning, smiling, frowning, and then smiling again in defeat as he let the giggles take over his body and consume him.

Either way, they collapsed against each other, laughing and laughing until the tears rolled down their cheeks. They did manage to catch their breath at one point, only to glance outside and see the roads covered in splattered lemons, which set them off again.

After what felt like an eternity, Harry finally calmed down enough to look at Draco squarely in the face and cup his chin.

"You were right. I can change the weather. But I don't know how to change it back. The Ministry will be very cross with us when they realize it's our fault."

Draco rolled his eyes and batted Harry's hand away. "OUR fault? You were the one who made it rain lemons!"

"Yeah, but you were the one who provoked me into doing anything in the first place!"

Draco grinned. "I guess that means I still have an effect on you, after all these years." He kissed Harry on the cheek. "Now let's try getting some more sleep before the Ministry disrupts the peace, shall we?"

Harry smiled, and they both crawled back into bed. The lemons could wait.


End file.
